Welcome to Gadget Dreams and Nightmares, the column that would hold discussions on nuclear relations with North Korea were it not for all those new gadget announcements that sap up all our time instead.

In our secret silo his time around are the latest Samsung flagship smartphones; a phone that goes an entirely different direction from being your complete portal into the world; and a water dispenser that, incredibly, is connected to the Internet. Yes, we’re as shocked as you are that companies want to hook up their devices to the information superhighway.

As always, these are not reviews, as no matter how much we’d like to quench our thirst, we have yet to try any of these items. Neither are the ratings indicators of quality — they merely point at how much I’d like to play around with each gizmo.